We all have secrets. Some are regrets from our past that we’d rather not reveal. Other secrets are about someone else. And, perhaps, we know something about someone that they don’t know we know. However, it’s not about what we know but what we do with it.
The proverb says, “A gossip goes around revealing a secret, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.” (Proverbs 11:13, CSB) No one likes a gossip when they are the target, but finds their words a juicy morsel when it is about someone else.
It is often thought that gossip is a grey sin, one of the not-so-bad ones. In the estimation, it doesn’t rise to the other, more grievous sins. And more often than not, that little morsel of gossip is true. Paul, however, had a different understanding.
“And because they did not think it worthwhile to acknowledge God, God delivered them over to a corrupt mind so that they do what is not right. They are filled with all unrighteousness, evil, greed, and wickedness. They are full of envy, murder, quarrels, deceit, and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, arrogant, proud, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, senseless, untrustworthy, unloving, and unmerciful. Although they know God’s just sentence—that those who practice such things deserve to die—they not only do them, but even applaud others who practice them.” (Romans 1:28–32, CSB)
Why does gossip and slander rate up there with murder and evil? Gossip is in total opposition to God’s revealed nature. God doesn’t advertise our sin. When we confess our sin, He forgives us and covers it. Gossip is a form of murder in that it assassinates the character and reputation of someone else. And the worst gossip is when someone breaks a confidence and trust to share that poisonous morsel.
Over the years, I’ve been blessed to hear others’ confessions in counseling sessions. What was said is held in confidence. I won’t even give you a hint of them. One of my prayers at the end of the session is asking for the gift of forgetfulness. Christ has forgiven them and thrown their sins into the sea of forgetfulness. I have no call or need to keep that information.
So how do we practically and faithfully know what should be shared and what shouldn’t be talked about? One question we can ask is whether it violates a promise to hold something in confidence. Another question is whether it scars someone’s dignity. Sometimes we do need to share something for someone else’s good. The challenge is to do so with the right person, in a humble attitude of prayerful concern.
There is one sneaky kind of gossip that sometimes crops up in Christian circles. Prayer request gossip. Be praying for sister so-and-so, her husband is drinking again. That’s a bit gossipy. Be praying for sister so-and-so, she needs wisdom and peace right now. That’s better. Often, it is not the details that matter but how and why they were shared.
The thing is, gossip is often true, but used to harm someone. What is worse is when that harm is framed as a loving concern. Pastors and leaders must take special care. We know things. One slip of the tongue towards gossip will destroy your ministry in Christ’s kingdom.
While the proverb doesn’t address it, there is always a second side to gossip. There is the provider and the receiver. Not only must we avoid speaking gossip, but we must also avoid hearing gossip. Or, having been told something gossipy, refusing to share it further.
The proverb says that a trustworthy person keeps confidence. That trustworthy reputation is something we must relentlessly guard if we want folks to believe us when we speak the most important truth of all – the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
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