In the moment, no one loves discipline or being corrected. It stings. It is humiliating. It causes us to become defensive. As we grow up, we reach a point where we firmly believe we have it all figured out. We no longer need correction. Generally speaking, we arrive there somewhere in our teen years. But eventually we learn that we don’t know it all and can be (gasp) wrong.
Proverbs remind us, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but one who hates correction is stupid.” (Proverbs 12:1, CSB) We all make mistakes and harbor misconceptions due to a lack of knowledge. But what is our response when they are pointed out by others or God? Do we listen? Are we teachable?
And yet, not every complaint or correction is valid. The Proverbs also say, “A fool’s displeasure is known at once, but whoever ignores an insult is sensible.” (Proverbs 12:16, CSB) We must humbly weigh what someone says. Sometimes the fool speaks the truth; we should take it to heart. But often it is just hot air that should be ignored.
How do we know if something should be regarded? There is a three-legged path of discernment. Take it to the Word. What does God’s Word say about it? Perhaps the surest test is to consider the correction in light of the greatest commandments: to love God with our whole being and to love others. The second leg is to take it to God in prayer. Is the Holy Spirit witnessing to our spirit about this? (John 16:13-14) The third leg is seeking the counsel of others. Again from Proverbs, “A fool’s way is right in his own eyes, but whoever listens to counsel is wise.” (Proverbs 12:15, CSB)
Notice that what is missing from above is the person’s attitude in giving correction. If they are speaking the truth, it doesn’t matter if it is loving or biting. Although it is easier to swallow and less easy to disregard if it is offered in love. What we are listening for isn’t them so much as God’s truth coming through them.
The same three-legged test is also good when we are on the other side of the equation. When we see something in someone that needs correction. Take it to God’s Word, take it to God in prayer, and seek the wise counsel of others. Even as I write this, I can picture the times I didn’t do those things first. It’s not pretty. Perhaps the largest lesson in those failures is that I’m not the Holy Spirit. When I’m moving in sync with God, there is growth and healing. When I rush ahead, there is relational and spiritual damage.
Finally, there are times when, in our correcting of others, we are the ones being corrected. We may think we are right until the other person provides knowledge. Remember what Jesus taught, “Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a beam of wood in your own eye? Hypocrite! First take the beam of wood out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3–5, CSB)
We all need correction at times. And, sometimes, we are the vessel through whom a correcting word may come. The key to all of this is listening. Listen to the Holy Spirit, listen to what others are saying, listen when being corrected, and listen to the person we are offering correction to. “Now the goal of our instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.” (1 Timothy 1:5, CSB)
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