In our Good Fight of Parenting, today’s problems often consume our focus. And yet, raising children is a forward-looking endeavor. What we say, model, and do today affects our children’s tomorrows. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, we are speaking direction into their lives.
In this series, we are gleaning lessons that Paul taught to Timothy in 1st Timothy and applying them to parenting. Paul reminded Timothy of certain words that had been spoken to him. “Timothy, my son, I am giving you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies previously made about you, so that by recalling them you may fight the good fight, having faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and have shipwrecked their faith.” (1 Timothy 1:18–19, CSB) Paul doesn’t elaborate on who spoke what over Timothy; what we can glean is that they were foundational in Timothy’s life.
Perhaps some of those prophetic words were spoken by his mother, Eunice, and his grandmother, Lois (2 Timothy 1:5). However, we need to recognize that prophetic words come in various ways.
When we think of Biblical prophecy, we often envision someone solemnly speaking with a “thus saith the Lord” attitude. The prophetic words spoken by parents and grandparents are rarely that dramatic. And yet, the words we speak to our children matter more than we can imagine.
James reminds us about the negative power of our words, “And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among our members. It stains the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” (James 3:6, CSB) I believe that there is also a positive power in our words as we speak things that set our children’s “course of life” on fire.
A child’s identity and how they see themselves are very squishy and malleable. The words we use, especially the “you are” phrases, shape them with a prophetic punch. When our children were young, we were very careful about how we said things. We never called them stupid, brat, or worthless, although we did recognize stupid, bratty, or foolish behaviors. Saying “you’re stupid” is far different than saying “that was stupid.” If you call a child stupid often enough, they adopt that as their identity. There are also positive words we can speak by recognizing and encouraging their God-given uniqueness.
There is a next level concerning the words we speak to our children. That level is found in prayer and the insight the Lord gives us to speak prophetically about our children. But in this, we are not praying for the whole story, just the anchors they will need as their story unfolds. I have a couple of those anchors, which my parents have spoken to me about at various times. They were not “the Lord says” moments but reminders and encouragements that became my touchstones.
We may not even recognize it when we speak something prophetic into our child’s life. But as we continue to pray and seek God’s will for them, He will use us to shape and mold our children as He desires.
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