Parenting isn’t about winning. Sure, early on, there are contests of will where a consistent parent must dominate the stubborn will of a child. You will clean your room before you go out to play. However, those moments do not reflect the goal of parenting; they are just hurdles to cross.
We end where we began this short look at parenting, 1 Timothy 1:5. “Now the goal of our instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.” (1 Timothy 1:5, CSB) That is the goal for Christian parents. For their children to enter adulthood with a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith. However, one more part happens before the arrow flies towards the target.
Consider this analogy for a moment. “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3–5, NASB 2020)
Parenting is like being an archer, and our children are the arrows. Like an archer, we fit the arrow onto the string and use our strength to pull the string back, aim at the goal, and release the arrow. In parenting, we spend a few short years giving our strength to our children, aiming them at a target, and ultimately releasing them to fly. In the end, parenting isn’t about winning; parenting is the art of release.
Soon after their first day, we release our children in ever-increasing ways as they grow and learn. As they develop new skills, we release them, with guard rails, to exercise those skills. These culminate when we release them into adulthood, and our roles forever change. Leading to that moment, we gave them our strength and provided them with an aim (whether we knew it or not). They are now responsible for themselves.
For my children, there was a defined moment of release before they left for college. With a prayer of blessing, we released them into adulthood. Our language changed from “do this” to advise and “what do you think.” This doesn’t mean that we abandoned them. We were/are still there, a constant source of support for them through their journey.
That’s the Good Fight of Parenting. It feels like a marathon and a sprint at the same time. We have years of giving ourselves, aiming our children, and releasing them as they grow into new things. Years that pass in the blink of an eye.
While it is easiest to start on day one, there is always time to change your aim. And each day will have its own struggles and challenges, which are often teachable opportunities in camouflage. However, each day will also have its joys and rewards as we see our children grow into the goal of loving Jesus and others with a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.
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