The clothes we wear often reflect and impact our attitudes. Like clothes, our attitudes reflect and impact our spiritual effectiveness. In this run of articles, we are considering Paul’s advice to a young pastor and applying it to parenting. We are calling it the Good Fight of Parenting.
Paul writes, “Therefore, I want the men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or argument. Also, the women are to dress themselves in modest clothing, with decency and good sense, not with elaborate hairstyles, gold, pearls, or expensive apparel, but with good works, as is proper for women who profess to worship God.” (1 Timothy 2:8–10, CSB) On the surface, it seems that Paul is concerned with external things. Guys, watch your temper and pray instead. Gals, watch your dress and do good works instead. Both are valid, but there is also a deeper set of truths to gain that applies to parenting.
Why did Paul point out different things for guys and gals? I know some men who “dress for success.” And I know that women can get angry. Both anger and dress can be manipulative agents. Men do tend to lean more towards anger to get their point across and women sometimes leverage their attractive qualities to accomplish their goals. Paul is saying no to both. Instead of lifting up your hands in rage, lift up your hands in worship and prayer. Instead of advertising with outward baubles, lead in good works.
The parenting point is to avoid our natural manipulative tendencies and seek integrity, transparency, and a reliance on God. Parenting is a day-in and day-out marathon. We can’t put on a costume and play pretend. The truth is that parenting is more about our own integrity and priorities than our children’s.
This requires us to ask some big questions. Why am I doing what I’m doing? Is the candy or screen-time or privilege a reward or bribery? Am I being manipulative or training the child in the way they should go? Are we easily manipulated by our children’s anger, sobs, or pestering? The answer to most of these is found in our integrity, priorities, and transparency.
Integrity is simply being the same on the outside as we are on the inside. No hidden agenda; what is you see is what you get. Integrity leads us to consistency in various situations. Integrity also impacts our priorities, what we choose to do, and when. One man of integrity set his priorities as God, family(others), and self. “I am third,” he would say. Transparency is letting others, our children, in this case, see our own struggles and how we handle them with faith, hope, love, and prayer. It also means openly repenting when we make mistakes and owning up to our failures.
- The Good Fight: Integrity - September 18, 2024
- The Good Fight – Model Prayer - September 11, 2024
- The Good Fight – Words Matter - September 4, 2024
