There are three primary parenting responsibilities. In no particular order, they are provision, protection, and training. Parents provide the basic needs of food, water, and shelter. They also strive to protect their children from harm while training them to navigate the risks and dangers of life. And they also train by “laying down the law” in the home and enforcing it.
As we look at 1 Timothy for parenting advice (see previous article introducing this series), Paul doesn’t speak much about parental or pastoral discipline. He does, however, note, “But we know that the Law is good, if one uses it lawfully, realizing the fact that law is not made for a righteous person but for those who are lawless and rebellious…” (1 Timothy 1:8–9a, NASB 2020) Discipline is good.
Many equate discipline with punishment, but that is only a small part of what discipline requires. Discipline is more about teaching and training than simply punishing wrongs. We quoted this last week, but it is also a keystone verse for this part of the Good Fight. “Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he grows older he will not abandon it.” (Proverbs 22:6, NASB 2020) What we often miss is the “should.”
Too often, folks train their children in the way they “shouldn’t” go, with a focus on wrongs and punishment. But more often than not, we should train them and disciple them how they should go. In a way, the Law of Moses was heavy on the shouldn’t. And there are plenty of examples of the Israelites experiencing the punishment of God due to their sins. Jesus reframed the Law as shoulds, Love God with everything, and love others. Doing this will fulfill all the Law and the prophets (See Matthew 22:37-40, Gal 5:14).
Discipline is far more than punishment; it is teaching and training. Yes, we must recognize and respond when a child misbehaves. And we must also recognize and respond when a child does well. In my view, when necessary, punishment is more about getting their attention than creating pain to pay off their misdeeds. Each child is different and needs to be treated as an individual. To put it coarsely, sometimes spanking will “beat the devil out of them” sometimes though it “beats the devil into them.”
From my own experience. When my children were growing up, their attention-getting punishments were different. For my daughter, it was the restriction of freedom, such as being sat on a chair or sent to her room. It was money for my son – both rewarding good behavior and fining him for bad behavior. But the point wasn’t the punishment; it was the teaching moments that followed. Punishment without the “why” and the “how to do better” is soulless and loveless.
What “laws” are you training your children to follow? Are they“don’t,” or are they also “do this.” Are you also following those laws yourself? It is often said that life lessons are more often caught than taught. The Law is good if it is used lawfully.
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