One of the lessons that life and the Holy Spirit have taught me is this – be slow to make promises. But what if you or I make a promise and realize that we can’t keep it? The wisdom of Proverbs has a suggestion.
“My child, if you have put up security for a friend’s debt or agreed to guarantee the debt of a stranger— if you have trapped yourself by your agreement and are caught by what you said— follow my advice and save yourself, for you have placed yourself at your friend’s mercy. Now swallow your pride; go and beg to have your name erased. Don’t put it off; do it now! Don’t rest until you do. Save yourself like a gazelle escaping from a hunter, like a bird fleeing from a net.” (Proverbs 6:1–5, NLT)
The writer of this Proverb uses the scenario of co-signing or underwriting a loan. Something that is still done today. A friend or relative has shaky credit, and the banks refuse a loan unless someone with better credit offers to co-sign the loan. Basically, the co-signer is on the hook if the friend or relative defaults. A tenuous situation at best.
The solution? Swallow your pride and ask to be released from the obligation. That prescription also applies to promises we are unable to fulfill. The promise may have been made in haste or in earnest. We may have made a promise to appease someone or really thought it out before expressing our commitment. In either case, when we’re stuck, the best thing is to go to the person and ask for their forgiveness and release.
Now, I know that folks sometimes promise things to God. If God does something, then you’ll do something kind of arrangement. Or, in an emotional moment, we make a vow to God. Now, God does take oaths, promises, and vows seriously. He keeps His word and desires that we keep ours. But what if we made a vow or a promise that now seems foolhardy or impossible? My best suggestion is to apply the wisdom of Proverbs 6:1-5.
Like I said at the beginning of this encouragement, I’ve learned to be slow in making promises. It’s not because I feel that a promise is unworthy or wrong, but so that I may honor all the promises I do make. I especially avoid making promises that rely on the performance of others. And I also avoid making bargains with God but instead lean into the promises God has already expressed.
There is one particular relationship where this lesson about making promises is highly necessary. Any guesses? It’s not business or financial. Neither is it our vows to God – although that is right up there. And it’s not promises made to a friend. The relationship I have in mind is that of a parent and child. It’s an easy one to overlook because breaking our promises has no immediate consequences. But, and here is the important part, breaking our promise to a child teaches them a wrong lesson and bends their trust away from all promises, including God’s.
One day, when our kids were not yet teens, our daughter did something wrong which deserved discipline. In this case, her punishment was to remain in her room for the evening. But this was game night, and we looked forward to playing some kind of card or board game. I think for her, not being able to do game night was more of a punishment than being sent to her room. Instead of releasing her from the discipline, the promise, if you will, we moved game night into her room. The promise was kept, but grace was also extended.
My encouragement is simply to think and pray before you speak. But if you do make a promise, then keep it. And if for some reason that becomes impossible, swallow some pride and ask for forgiveness and release of the promise. And, especially, do this with your children.
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